Family Tips: Why Children Lie and How to Manage It
Some time in between the ages of two and four, parents may begin to see and hear dishonesty in their children. It’s a common problem and many parents ask why children lie and how to manage it as a parent when your child displays this behaviour.
Children lie for a variety of reasons – and in varying degrees. As their vocabulary and language skills expand, so too do their imaginations.
Young children often exaggerate or embellish the truth. They may not be lying deliberately, just blurring the boundaries between reality and fantasy.
Children also lie for the same reasons as adults:
- To get what they want
- To enhance self-esteem
- To avoid punishment
Lying is typical behaviour in the pre-school years, and most parents encounter the odd fib (or whopper!). When you hear your child’s first lie – recognise the window of opportunity to teach them about truth.
Be patient and persistent in your approach and your child will slowly master the skill of honesty.
The Positives of Lying in Young Children
Whilst it can feel discouraging to see your child being dishonest, there are some positives to take from it as a parent:
Psychiatrists believe that a child’s first lies signify a milestone in their mental development.
When a child lies, they show independence and forward thinking skills (i.e. recognising the consequences of actions). Plus they are displaying an understanding of how others think.
When a child lies to avoid punishment, they demonstrate that they are fearful of displeasing their parents.
This indicates that they know they have done wrong, and are beginning to grasp the difference between acceptable and unacceptable behaviour.
Avoidance of Blame
It’s a common scenario. A child breaks something they shouldn’t have been touching; draws on the walls instead of their pad; leaves the tap running and floods the bathroom.
They know Mum and Dad aren’t going to be happy, so they lie . . .
“It wasn’t ME!”
Think about how you react when your child does something wrong. Try to avoid strict punishments so your child is not compelled to tell lies to get out of a situation.
Responding to Your Child’s Lies
All parents want their children to be honest. In the face of an out and out whopper – it’s easy to overreact.
Children learn about honesty from our reactions and our behaviour. Responding to lies with anger doesn’t help your child learn about telling the truth.
When you know for sure your child has told a lie, calmly point out the discrepancy between their story – and the facts.
Try not to let them draw you into an argument about whether they’re telling the truth or not.
Let them know that you’re disappointed with them, and that you disapprove of lying. Show them that you feel sad when they tell lies.
Children, Lies and Self Esteem
If children don’t feel good about themselves, they may feel the need to make up stories about themselves, or say they can do things they really can’t.
Help your child focus on what they can do well, and the skills they do have.
Build on these skills and provide opportunities for them to experience success.
Accept that your child will make mistakes as they grow and learn.
We hope these tips will help you with guiding your young child towards honesty.