Managing separation anxiety is a common challenge for parents of young children. It most commonly starts from around 8 months old but can appear earlier or later.
The good news is it will usually resolve itself over time and most children no longer experience separation anxiety once they reach school-age. In this article, we’ll explore different approaches for you to help your child manage in different situations.
Any space which is unfamiliar to your child will have the potential to spark anxiety. Having familiar people with them will help as they get used to being in the new place.
A new environment will feel safer and less threatening if you spend time with them there to begin with. Once your child is more used to the space, they will be less distressed when you leave.
When getting your child used to the new environment, start with shorter separations and communicate with them about when you’re leaving and when you’ll be back.
Helping them settle into a fun game or activity before you leave can help. It can be tempting to try and ‘sneak out quietly’ but this can add to your child’s distress when they realise you’re not there. When you do say goodbye, do so quickly as extended goodbyes can make things worse.
While not always easy, it’s important to give the appearance of being relaxed and happy yourself. Your child will be attuned to your responses to the situation.
Avoid criticising or labelling your child in relation to their separation anxiety. Help your child to understand that their feelings are valid and assure them that they are OK.
It might be helpful to read them books such as You Are Never Alone: An Invisible String Lullaby or A Jar Full of Kisses.
The stepladder approach can be used by (and with) people of any age dealing with anxiety, including children experiencing separation anxiety.
The idea is that by introducing situations of increasing challenge in a gradual way, your child can overcome feelings of fear and anxiety. This helps children to face up to their fears, but in a way that is manageable, rather than just avoiding situations that feel scary.
Start with something that is a little challenging but doesn’t feel too frightening. Then repeat that action until it no longer feels hard. You then move up to something slightly more challenging and repeat. This continues with increasing levels of difficulty.
IMPORTANT: Be generous with praise and rewards each time your child faces and overcomes a fear. Match the size of the rewards with the difficulty of the actions.
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