In this article, we share some ideas for how to manage sibling conflict.
Many parents find themselves at a loss of what to do when their children fight with each other. Importantly, know that you are far from alone with this issue.
Children are still learning how to manage their emotions so arguments and conflict between siblings are very common.
As a parent, fights between your children can feel very frustrating. The good news is there are constructive ways you can deal with the problem.
When to Step In
In some cases, children will be able to resolve their own disagreements but if things are getting physically aggressive or verbally nasty, it’s important to step in to avoid anyone being harmed.
How to De-escalate the Conflict
Keep Your Cool: Even though it can be very challenging, it’s important that you stay calm yourself.
Physical Separation: Ideally you’re able to step in before the crying starts, and physically separating children by putting them in separate rooms or spaces is a good idea until everyone calms down.
Talk About It (Later): It’s a good idea to wait until after everyone has calmed down to talk through with your children what happened. However, it’s important not to skip this step.
Be Fair: It’s very important that any consequences you bring in as result of the fight or argument are applied fairly. The types of consequences that come from different behaviours need to be consistently applied on different occasions for similar behaviours.
Tips for Staying Calm Through the Conflict
Sometimes it can feel almost impossible to stay calm when your children are fighting. But there are things you can do to help yourself keep your cool:
Pull Over: If you’re driving, pull over as soon as it’s safe to do so. This will allow you to deal with the matter at hand with your full attention
Breathe: Take 3 slow breaths into your lower belly (not up in your chest). Your abdomen should move outwards while your shoulders stay lowered. This moves your nervous system from ‘fight or flight’ mode into ‘rest and digest’ mode, allowing you to deal with things more calmly
Take a Time Out: If you feel your own anger getting the better of you and it’s possible to do so, ask another adult to step in and take a couple of minutes out from the situation
Seek Help: If your children’s fighting is leading to feelings of overwhelm or distress, reach out to a friend, family member or support service.