An important part of helping young children manage emotions is dealing with tantrums. Tantrums are rarely convenient and often stressful for parents. Some parents will do almost anything to avoid a tantrum, or try to make the child feel better, to end the tantrum quicker.
Other parents may view tantrums as misbehaviour, and punish the child for their outbursts. Young children are not capable of logical reasoning, so emotions can be strong and overwhelming.
Tantrums are your child’s way of expressing their feelings. Anger, fear, frustration and over-stimulation may all be expressed by a tantrum.
When your child ‘loses it’ and dissolves in a heap, take a step back and see if you recognise what the underlying feeling is. What events led up to the tantrum?
By understanding the feelings behind the tantrum, you can respond to the emotion rather than the behaviour.
This helps you to be empathetic and help your child feel that it is safe to let their feelings out. Once those feelings are out, your child will begin to feel better – and so will you!
How much is going on in your child’s life at the moment?
Many families find that life is very ‘busy’, with activities and commitments coming thick and fast every week. Add to this the natural life changes that children have to cope with: the birth of a sibling; moving house; starting a new preschool or changes in childcare arrangements; the death of a family pet; common childhood illnesses . . . It can all make a child feel hurried and harried.
Signs of stress in adults, such as stomach upsets, headaches, irritability and anxiety, can also be experienced by children, when life is too busy.
Think about your weekly load and consider whether you need to slow down the pace a little for your child. Try to include regular ‘down time’ spaces in your schedule, when you and your family can just be yourselves and relax and unwind.
Parents need to ‘show’ and ‘tell’ their children how great they are – every day!
Children feel good about themselves on the inside, when the people who love them the most feel good about them from the outside!
Be generous with your praise, affection and appreciation for your child. The most important thing with praise is that it’s not always tied to ‘good behaviour’ or doing things that please you. Also show your appreciation for the wonderful little person they are – just for being themselves!
If tidying up toys is not your child’s favourite activity (or yours!) and creates tantrums or emotional resistance – make it fun!
‘Simon Says’ is an old-fashioned game that children have enjoyed for generations. The leader (that’s usually the parent at tidy-up time!) must always begin instructions with the words ‘Simon Says . . . ‘
So for example you say, ‘Simon Says — put away the books.’ Then your child picks up the books and puts them on the shelf. Your next instruction might be ‘Simon Says – pick up all the cars.’ They child picks up all the cars.
Next you issue an instruction without beginning ‘Simon Says . . .’ something like ‘Gather up the blocks’. If your child catches you out, they don’t have to follow the instruction. YOU get to do that job!
When you leave off ‘Simon Says . . .’ for the biggest or hardest jobs, your child has more fun from ‘winning’. Plus you get the tricky bits done much quicker!!
We hope these tips will help you to support your child to manage their emotions…
Every child deserves the best start in life. Get in touch today!
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