Children and anxiety are no strangers. Feeling anxious, worried or fearful is a perfectly ordinary part of life for children.
In this article we look at the steps you can take to support your child when these emotions arise, and to recognise the signs of when professional help may be needed.
In most cases, children’s worries, fears and anxieties will come and go quickly.
Children and Anxiety at Different Ages
As children grow, the things that concern them are likely to change and there are different anxieties that commonly occur at different ages, such as:
- Toddlers and young babies are often fearful of strangers, loud noises, heights and being separated from family members
- Pre-school age children will often develop a fear of the dark (and ‘monsters’)
- It is common for school age children to be afraid of social situations, failure, criticism, tests and physical harm
How to Support Your Child
The first step is to acknowledge your child’s feelings and reassure them that everyone feels worried, anxious or fearful sometimes.
If your child is facing an activity they feel anxious about, give them gentle encouragement to go ahead but don’t push them into it if they don’t feel able.
If your child does choose to do something they’re fearful of, be generous in your praise.
Things to Avoid Doing
Avoid characterising your child as ‘shy’ or ‘anxious’ when speaking to or about them. Speak of the behaviour of shyness or anxiety, rather than identifying those behaviours as part of the child’s character. It’s a subtle nuance but it’s important. This correctly categorises anxiety or worry as an emotional state rather than an identity – ‘I feel anxious’ versus ‘I have anxiety’ or ‘I feel shy’ versus ‘I am shy’.
Try and remember not to step in to help your child until they actually get anxious and/or ask for help.
Don’t criticise your child for feeling afraid, anxious or worried. These are natural emotions that arise and nothing to feel shame around.
When and How to Seek Help
The circumstances where it might be a good idea to seek some professional guidance are:
- Your child’s feelings of anxiety are preventing them from doing things they want to do or negatively impacting their relationships or life
- Your child’s anxious or fearful reactions to events seem unusually severe or long-lasting
- Your child’s behaviours differ significantly from those of their peers. For example, a fear of the dark is common in pre-school children but might indicate a more serious anxiety issue in a late primary or high school aged child
There are many resources available to get some professional advice. As a first port of call, try speaking to your child’s Educator or teacher, your family GP or local community health centre. They will be able to support you to find the right help.